Most people look forward to their holidays – indeed we will all look forward to some sort of break when we are free of COVID and can travel freely. However, for separated parents, what is often a logistical challenge of some proportions, 2021 has probably become more like a military operation.
Planning a holiday with children when you are separated can seem like a huge task. This year, planning, planning and more planning is more likely to be the key to a successful holiday than ever. You need to make the usual agreements with the other parent, such as when, where, what and for how long – and it’s also a good idea to make contingency plans should COVID interrupt those plans.
You should remember that if you share parental responsibility, the other parent has the right to know where their children are and what they are doing – particularly if this involves dangerous activities, such as sky diving or water skiing, for example.
Also, don’t forget that without permission from all people who have parental responsibility for your child, it is generally illegal to take that child out of England and Wales – unless you have been granted permission from the Family Court – and that is unlikely to be given in the current COVID climate. If you are going abroad and your child has a different surname to you, it’s a good idea to have written permission from the parent whose surname they share, detailing their address, contact details and passport number – just in case it is requested at a border between countries.
Going abroad
Taking your children on a holiday abroad this year has been further complicated due to COVID-19. In particular, you must follow the rules laid down in the government’s traffic light system. Currently, the government advises against all travel abroad, whether the country you are travelling to is on the green, amber or red list, specifically saying you should not travel to red list countries. However, if you do travel abroad with your children, you will need to know the rules of the country you are visiting, as they may be different to here, and even if that country is on our green list, it may not allow visitors from the UK. You will also have other things to think about, which could affect you and the other parent and will need careful planning beforehand and on an ongoing basis. For example:
- What if someone tests positive on the way back from the holiday?
- You are likely to have to self-isolate with the children for ten days, either in a managed hotel or at home, depending on where the country you have visited sits in the traffic light system.
- Have you planned for that and talked about how workable your plans are with the other parent and anyone else involved?
- Have you thought about, and planned for, the potential cost of the extra ten days if it is in a managed hotel?
- Have you agreed how the children might keep in touch with their other parent if your group has to isolate?
- You are likely to have to self-isolate with the children for ten days, either in a managed hotel or at home, depending on where the country you have visited sits in the traffic light system.
- What if someone tests positive for COVID whilst you are away, or the country changes position on the traffic light system?
- Have you planned how you might get back early and whether that is feasible given the extra cost?
- How will that affect the other parent’s holiday plans?
- Who will have to test for COVID-19 on arrival back in the UK?
- Before you travel to England, you will need to book and pay for COVID tests on day two and day eight upon your arrival.
- Will it just be you, or will the children need to be tested too?
- Have you allowed for the cost in your plans – or agreed with their other parent about who will arrange and pay for these?
- Will the children have to wear masks on holiday? Wherever you are, it is likely all adults will need to wear a mask, but you need to check with the country you are going to whether children need to wear them too.
- What if the parent who stays at home tests positive for COVID whilst you are away?
- Have you made plans for your children? Will you be able to keep them until the end of the other parent’s quarantine? If not, can you arrange for them to be looked after?
- Who will pay for the extra childcare if it is needed?
What about a staycation?
Staying in the UK can be as much fun for children – especially the younger ones – as going abroad – and you don’t have as many hoops to jump through!
Again, you will need to plan, plan, plan!
Where will you go? Are you in a group of the size allowed by the government? Do you have an agreement with the children’s other parent about where you are going, what you are going to do and for how long?
You will still need to make plans about what happens if you, your children or anyone in your group contracts COVID whilst on holiday – or if the other parent contracts it whilst you are away. Who will look after the children when you get home if this happens? Where will they stay? If they stay with you, are you able to take time off work after the holiday to look after them, or do you have childcare cover? Who will pay?
Wherever you have decided to go, there are lots of other issues that you will need to agree on and plan for, such as what the children will eat, what they will wear (including sun protection of course!), what medication they need, when they will contact the absent parent and who is going to pay for what. You may have a parenting plan that sets out each of your responsibilities during the holidays, but if not, you should try to discuss the issue when you are each in the right frame of mind, and not when some other issue has raised its head about which you are both anxious. Of course, you can agree arrangements for the holiday period yourselves, but if it doesn’t work, the trained, independent mediators at Family Matters will help.
When planning your holiday with children, try to remember that the things children remember are indoor picnics indoors and swimming in the rain, not just the cost or the sunshine. It is all about the shared time and experience. To quote Winnie the Pooh – a bear of very little brain but great wisdom: “We didn’t realise we were making memories we just knew we were having fun.”
Click the link below for a handy checklist to help your holiday plans go smoothly.
By Juliette Dalrymple, director and mediator.
