A judge has written to two brothers saying that he has asked their parents to ‘stop the c**p’ after ordering that they should continue to live in London and share time with their mum and dad, despite the brothers saying that they would like to live in Somerset with their mum.
The boys, ages eight and 11, had been living in London and sharing their time equally between both parents’ houses. Their parents had been fighting about where the children lived for the six years since they had separated. Their mum had applied to court for the boys to go to live with her in Somerset and for their dad to see them only every other weekend and during holidays, rather than the existing arrangement of one week with each parent.
The judge wanted the boys to know that it was he who had made the decision and not their parents, who couldn’t agree. He also told them that he had told their parents to behave better and to ‘stop the c**p’ after the boys had said they found their parents’ arguing upsetting.
You can read the judge’s letter on the BBC website here ‘Judge sends letter to young brothers in custody row’.
Juliette Dalrymple, director at Family Matters says:
“It is good that the judge has allowed the letter to be published to show how these judgements are made. Of course, it is sad that the brothers didn’t get what they had expressed as their preference – to live in Somerset, but it is enlightening to see the judge tell the boys that he thinks that they need to spend time with both parents as they both play an important role in caring for the brothers, and for him to say “I was worried your dad might not have a full and proper role in your lives if you lived in Somerset”.
It is vital that both parents play a role in raising their children wherever possible. Courts will always consider the welfare of the children paramount, and that is what the judge has done here. Court, however, is not always the best arena for family-related issues, especially ones that involve children. Child mediation could have worked well here. Six years is a long time for the parents to have fought about their boys. It must have been very stressful for all of them. Child mediation would have allowed the boys to share their thoughts and feelings in confidence – without feeling like they were taking sides – and for this to have been fed back to the parents (if the boys wanted that). One of the boys said: “I wish my mum and dad would be back together and stop arguing and all of this c**p that is going on,” so it is clear they were upset by it all. The parents may have been so wound up in their own arguments that they just didn’t realise that this is how their children felt. Taking part in child mediation may have helped them to realise this earlier and saved an awful lot of stress – as well as costing less.”
Find out more about child mediation and how it might help you.
