Child Mediation Services - Family Matters Mediation

Over 40% of children in Britain experience parental separation or divorce.

Office for National Statistics

All parents making the decision to divorce or separate worry that it will hurt their children and affect their lives.

Child mediation works because it helps parents reach agreements and make decisions about arrangements for their children. Research shows agreements reached in mediation last longer and work better than court imposed arrangements.

Many children feel left out of the decision making process and do not feel their voices are heard or they are listened to.

What is Child Inclusive Mediation?

Child Inclusive Mediation means your child/children can talk about how they are feeling and what they think about the current situation and ways in which it could be improved. They will not be expected to be responsible for making decisions or have to choose between their parents.

The trained child consultant will listen to what the child says and how they are feeling and, with the child’s consent will share that information with the parents.

Family Matters’ child consultants have specialist training and extensive experience in this area. All the staff at Family Matters are DBS (Disclosure and Barring Service) and CRB (Criminal Records Bureau) checked.

Family Matters offers child consultation in Yorkshire, Nottinghamshire, Lincolnshire and the Humber.

Watch a video outlining young people’s rights when parents separate, created by The University of Exeter, The National Youth Advocacy Service (NYAS) and The National Association of Child Contact Centres (NACCC)

Top tips for parents who are separated.

The Family Justice Young People Board (FYJPB) members are children and young people with experience of family law proceedings. They have devised these to tips for parents to help them think about matters from their childs perspective.

‘LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD’

Remember I have the right to see both of my parents as long as it is safe for me.

I can have a relationship with the partner of my other parent without this changing my love for you.

Try to have good communication with my other parent because it will help me. Speak to them nicely.

Keep my other parent updated about my needs and what is happening for me. I might need their help too.

Don’t say bad things about my other parent, especially if I can hear. Remember I can often overhear your conversations or see your social media comments.

Find out more about what children say by clicking here

Remember it is ok for me to love and have a relationship with my other parent.

Don’t make me feel guilty about spending time with my other parent.

Don’t make permanent decisions about my life based on how you feel at the moment. Think about how I feel now and how I might feel in the future. My wishes might change.

Be open to change, be flexible and compromise when agreeing arrangements for me.

Its ok with me if my parents don’t do things exactly the same. You are both different and that’s alright with me.

Find out more about what children say by clicking here

Don’t be possessive over me and the things that belong to me. Make it easy for me to take the things I need when I spend time with my other parent, such as school work, PE kits, clothes, books, games, phone etc. Let me choose what I want to take with me.

Keep me informed about any changes to my arrangements.

Try not to feel hurt if I choose to spend time with my friends instead of seeing you. I am growing up!

Remember that important dates (birthdays, celebrations, parents evening, sports day etc.) are special to you, me and my other parent. I may want to share my time on those dates with each of you.

Work out between you and my other parent who is responsible for the extra things I need, such as new school shoes and uniform, school trips, dinner money and the cost of my hobbies or after school activities. I don’t want to be involved in this.

Find out more about what children say by clicking here

Remember that I don’t expect you or my other parent to be perfect, so I don’t want you to expect my other parent to be perfect either. Accept mistakes and move on.

Make sure I am not left out of key family events. Please compromise with my other parent so I can join in.

Please don’t stop me having contact with extended family members who are important to me. Ask me how Ifeel about them. Don’t assume my feelings are the same as yours .

Don’t use me as a messenger between you and my other parent.

Don’t use my relationship with my other parent against me, or them.

Find out more about what children say by clicking here

Don’t ask me to lie to my other parent or other family members.

Don’t ask me to lie to professionals or to say what you want me to say.

Remember that I might want something different to my brother or sister.

Don’t worry about how others see you or what they think. I am what matters.