Of course, Christmas is a special time for all families, but it can be particularly challenging to navigate for separated families.
It may seem like some time away but worries about how and where children will spend the holiday period are already in the minds of many separated parents.
Christmas is already in the shops, and it won’t be long before lights and decorations are everywhere, reminding us of the festive season to come.
“It’s never too soon for separated families to start making Christmas arrangements”, says Juliette Dalrymple, family mediator and director at Family Matters Mediation.
“You may already have parenting arrangements that work well all year round, but when the schools break up in December and routines change, things can get a bit tricky,” she adds. “Even those with well-established arrangements can find it a struggle to work out which parent the child will spend time with on which days over Christmas.”
Your children will be your priority in planning a successful Christmas. Focus on them and try to listen to their concerns carefully, answering any of their questions as honestly as you can.”
To achieve a successful plan, good communication between you and the children’s other parent and making arrangements in good time, really is the key.
Discuss and agree arrangements with the other parent and stick to them as far as possible – this will provide stability for your children. However, have a plan B in place to accommodate any unavoidable changes, such as illness. It’s always a good idea to have your plan written down, so that misunderstandings can be avoided.
Arrangements might include:
- Significant days over Christmas are spent with a different parent over alternate years.
- Spending the day together with both parents – if that’s possible.
- Splitting the day, where children have half a day with each parent.
- Having two Christmases – one early during the festive season, and one later. Not many children will complain about getting two lots of presents and turkey dinners!
Don’t forget to include grandparents in the arrangements, and other family and friends who your children usually like to spend time with at Christmas.
It’s always a good idea to discuss presents with the children’s other parent – so you don’t end up buying the same thing. Don’t try to outdo each other as it can lead to stress and dissatisfaction – both for you and your children.
Don’t forget, help is available. As accredited family mediators, we are often asked for help by separated parents who cannot agree what will work best for the children during Christmas.
Family Matters can help separated parents work out a plan that fits their unique family circumstances, and our advice is to get in touch soon. Don’t leave it until the last minute.
Juliette says: “Making the arrangements in good time will give certainty to both parents, bringing you peace of mind. And it means the children know what is coming in the weeks ahead, giving them the best chance of having a happy Christmas break.”
You can get more ideas about how you can spend a successful Christmas as separated parents on our web page “The twelve days of Christmas for separated families”
If you need help, contact us on 03300 881440 or at admin@familymattersmediate.co.uk to make an appointment, or complete the enquiry form on our website. If you can’t attend our office, we also offer convenient online mediation wherever you are.
