Family Matters offers Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM, sometimes called Child Consultation, as part of the mediation process between parents. Child Inclusive Mediation can only take place within the mediation process between the parents; it is not a standalone meeting space for your child/ren. We have trained Child Consultants who will listen to how your child is feeling and what they think about the current arrangements. This information can then be shared with you and the other parent so agreements can be reached which are informed by your children’s views and feelings.
Family Matters offers a specialised four-stage process which offers your child the best opportunity to be heard as part of their parents’ decision making. The process is focussed on it being right for your child, and assessments are undertaken at each stage to ensure that CIM is right for your child and will not interfere with any other intervention e.g. courts, child counselling, or therapy. The Family Matters mediator may assess that the CIM process is not appropriate for your child or your case.
Following the individual meetings with a mediator (MIAM), both parents agree they will take part in the mediation meetings and that their child/ren can be consulted as part of that process. Both parents sign the Family Matters Agreement to Mediate.
STAGE 1: Understanding and agreeing the process
You and the other parent take part in mediation meetings; there may be one or two meetings. In these meetings, the mediator will talk to you and the other parent about the issues between you and how they might be affecting your child/ren. The mediator may ask you to think about how the information from the child/ren might be received.
What are you hoping to hear?
What is your biggest fear?
How will your child/ren know that they have been heard and what will change?
If you and the other parent and the mediator all agree CIM is appropriate, then Family Matters will send out the consent to Child Inclusive Mediation.
Appointments for your child/ren and you and the other parent are scheduled and paid for in private cases. View the fees
Once all the fees are paid and the appointments are confirmed the invitation to take part in the meeting with a Child Inclusive Mediator is sent to your child/ren, and the invitations are copied to both parents.
STAGE 2: Meeting with your child/ren
At the beginning of the meeting with your child/ren, the expectations and boundaries are explained to your child/ren with an adult present. This is so that if your child is anxious after the meeting, the adult can reassure them about what will happen to the information they have shared with the Child Consultant.
Your child is then seen alone for between 45-60 minutes. Children can be seen with their brothers or sisters, but the Child Consultant will usually try to arrange to see each child on their own even if it is just for a short time.
Remember the confidentiality in this session is the children’s. The child may talk to the Child Consultant and decide they do not want anything shared with their parents. The child decides what is shared with their parents and what is not. The only exception to this is safeguarding. If information is shared that indicates a child or adult is not safe the Child consultant has to share that information with the relevant agencies
STAGE 3: Feedback to the parents
A mediation meeting is arranged; this will include both parents, their mediator and the Child Consultant. We arrange it as a joint meeting as this means you and the other parent are given exactly the same information at the same time. Parents are not allowed to take notes, and the meeting is not recorded. This is in accordance with Family Mediation Council Guidance.
The Child Consultant shares what the child has agreed can be shared with their parents; this might include what they like about the current arrangements and what they would like to change. Sometime children say they want their parents to decide. Sometimes children say they do not want any of the things they have talked about to the Child Consultant to be shared.
Remember what your child says to the child consultant or the information which is shared with you in the feedback meeting with the mediator cannot be included in any application to the court or shared within the court process.
The Child Consultant leaves the meeting, and the mediator continues your mediation meeting. That sometimes means staying in the same room; sometimes it means going to different rooms either online or in person. In this part of the meeting, you and the other parent agree what changes you would like to make so that your child feels heard and what messages you and the other parent want to share with your child.
STAGE 4: Feedback to your child/ren from you both as parents
The parents’ mediator shares the feedback you and the other parent have agreed with the Child Consultant. This might include what you and the other parent have heard your child/ren say, how things might change, and how your child/ren will know they have been heard.
The Child Consultant then shares with your child/ren what you and the other parent have agreed.
The mediation process might end at this point, or some parents want to continue in the mediation process. This is a specialised process which offers your child/ren the opportunity to be heard in a setting which is focussed upon hearing their voice in a safe structured environment.
Parents will often say that their child/ren have been courageous and brave to take part in a Child Inclusive Mediation and how much having information from their children has helped them to understand and make better decisions. When this is fed back to children, this helps to make it a really positive experience for the children
