Mediation is a good option for Tess Daly and Vernon Kay (who have announced their separation after 22 years of marriage) for several reasons – not least because it offers a private, controllable way to end their marriage, out of the glare of media scrutiny.
Celebrity couples, such as Tess and Vernon, are always open to damaging public scrutiny, whether it be about their personal lives or their finances. Keeping everything strictly confidential is an advantage of mediation as, in general, only the couple themselves, the mediators and any of the couple’s representatives are privy to the details. Mediators are generally bound not to disclose anything that is discussed in mediation.
Children are often caught in the middle of separation issues. How the separation affects them can be a serious concern for parents, especially those in the public eye who will want to protect their children at all costs. Tess and Vernon have two daughters, aged 21 and 16. Whilst one is technically an adult, she and the 16-year-old, who is still a child, will still be distressed by the separation, and it will affect them in different ways.
No parent knows for sure how their own relationship issues are affecting their children, especially when they are so tied up in dealing with their own difficulties within a marriage. Young adults and teenagers can react in different ways to tension within the family. They will be dealing with their own unique issues at this age. They may just ‘keep out of the way’, putting family tensions to the back of their mind and carry on as if everything is normal. If they don’t actively participate in family life to a huge extent, when a breakup comes, it can be a real shock. Conversely, they may feel part of the conflict and have to deal with the tension that brings. In particular, older children and young adults are likely to have a view about the behaviour of a parent and are more likely to ‘take sides’ creating conflict in the family.
Mediation is a safe way for children and young adults to get involved if they want to. It is more collaborative, constructive and causes less stress. It gives them an independent voice to raise issues that are worrying them, such as where they will live, money and education, as whatever they say to a mediator is not passed on to their parents, if they don’t want it to be, but can be used in discussions with them. It allows children and young adults to feel part of arrangements made for their parents’ – and their own– future and helps maintain the relationship between them and their parents.
For the parents themselves, Tess and Vernon will need to maintain their own professional images, so keeping the details of their divorce out of the limelight will be vital. Emotions will be high, and no matter how amicable the split – as the couple has announced that theirs is – there will, of course, be disagreements. Mediation provides a neutral and safe place for these to be aired, and solutions worked through and agreed. It helps the parents to maintain a civil relationship too.
Whilst saving money might not be the first reason for Tess and Vernon to choose mediation – it will certainly be a consideration. High-profile litigation can be very expensive and prolonged. Mediation is a much more cost-effective route to divorce than court and can be much quicker. Tess and Vernon are likely to have very different calendars and will find that mediation will fit around their schedules well, taking less time to find solutions to their issues, which can be much more flexible and creative than those that can be imposed by a judge.
Juliette Dalrymple, director and family mediator at Family Matters says:
“It is sad when any couple separates, particularly one that has been married for so long. Their children are at an age when they will be experiencing their own issues, schooling, exams and their own relationships. Mediation will allow them all to be involved in designing their own arrangements, using an experienced and knowledgeable mediator as a sounding board and keeping everything as calm and polite as possible. It focuses on the family and offers a route to remain respectful to each other, come to an individual solution that suits Tess, Vernon and their children and maintain better communication without the often-debilitating upheaval of press intrusion.”
