Is there such a thing? Can you come out at the end of a divorce with your dignity intact and still being able to have a discussion with your ex without it turning into another argument?
According to many reports there is: people are divorcing differently. The rise of the divorce selfie (see Twitter #divorceselfie) says it all, suggesting that many couples are able to find a way to go their separate ways as friends and with respect for each other. So, what is the secret?
How to have a better divorce
The first thing is to take things slowly and try to be rational if you can – don’t rush to a divorce solicitor immediately, whilst anger and frustration still cloud your thinking and reactions. If you don’t want to wait for 2 years, see if you can agree with your expartner how to take the divorce forward and consider what is most important.The more you can agree on before the divorce, the quicker and cheaper it will be, no matter which route you take.
You probably have children and you’ll want to go through this divorce causing the least possible harm and disruption to their lives. In my seventeen years as a family law mediator, I can say that it is always better to find a way to separate amicably rather than ‘staying together for the sake of the kids’ – arguing between parents can have a far more detrimental effect on them. Remember, children usually want to see both parents after the divorce and seeing them being respectful to each other is much better than one parent dropping them off outside their home and driving off. Child mediation can involve children in the divorce and find out what they actually think and want.
Consider what sort of future you want. It will be different for you both and you will have different lives to fund. Mediation works because it will help you to try to find a financial agreement that will enable you to both live your lives and support your children financially. The mediator will help you to ensure that you make proper financial provision for them, and agree a parenting plan that will allow them to see you both equally and take part in both of your lives – and for you both to take part in theirs.
Try not to listen too much to what friends and family say. Of course you might need their emotional support, but they are not objective, and they may not be looking to the future the way you want to and so they may not be in the best place to advise you.
Juliette Dalrymple, family mediator
Mediation can lead to a better divorce
Then – come to mediation. We can help you to divorce in a more dignified way, bringing you to the end of your marriage or relationship with your, your ex’s and your children’s lives less bruised and battered and a ‘ working relationship’ with each other still intact.
Here at Family Matters, we are committed to finding better solutions that works for you – as quickly as possible and costing far less than the traditional routes. Contact us now to make an appointment.
