Angela and Joseph came to Family Matters Mediation for online mediation about their son a year after separating.
They set a clear agenda that was focused on their son’s needs. Through their conversations in mediation, they addressed how their communication and previous arrangements, where their son spent most weekends with alternate parents, had created significant difficulties for themselves and their son. They each accepted that their separation was a significant loss to their child, and they wanted to reduce any further negative impact on him of them living separately.
Both parents recognised the other’s strengths and those of each of their new partner’s and praised the new partner’s positive relationships with their son. That said, they were willing to hear the mediator’s information about how the two of them are their child’s most significant people and to understand how he will invest himself in his parents’ new partners because he wants his parents to be happy. They understood that they, as his parents, are the constants and, for their son to experience being important to them, they should be present when he is in their care – which had not always happened previously.
In mediation both parents worked together and created boundaries around their communication and new ways of prioritising each other, as first port of call, if either were unable to be present for their son when he was in their care.
In their second meeting, they addressed how they continued to respond to the new ways of communicating in their old ways – sometimes negatively, for example a response to a request for help with childcare might be “he/ she just wants me to babysit”. Both committed to challenging their own thinking, taking time to reflect, and remembering their commitment to work together as co-parents focused on spending as much time as possible with their son.
The difficulties were logistical and practical for one parent due to their high-pressure job, long hours, and distance between houses. Wherever possible, the other parent showed a commitment to facilitating video calls, video games and opportunities for their child to spend time with the other parent to shorten gaps between the alternate weekend arrangement.
These parents, who accept they have very different approaches to life and parenting, remained focused on growing as individual parents throughout their mediation – being able to reflect, listen and understand each other, and rebuild to become committed parents. They showed a willingness to address difficult issues and commit to focusing on the long-term best interests of their young son.
